I’m coming home

Assalmu’alaikum!

See any difference on my blog’s bio? Yes, now I’m officially a wife for my husband, alhamdulillaah on 10th of March I tied the knot with a man who is fated to me, Candra Nugraha. Different from another post that I’ve ever made, in this post I’d like to share about how I finally made this decision, one of the biggest step in my entire life, how I put trust on my husband as my lifetime partner to hand in hand aiming our ultimate goal, to meet Him in jannah.

First thing first, all is happened by His Mercy and thanks to Allaah to made everything impossible to be possible, all praises to Him. Realizing that Allaah has written our names as a husband and wife is something we never expected before, neither our families nor our relatives. A night before akad my eyes were blurry, wondering the journey that Allaah has given to me until this point, mesmerizing every single scene of my life that finally made sense and it was incredibly wonderful, alhamdulillaah alhamdulilaah.. 

How I met my husband?

He was a total stranger for me, a man out of no where gave his curriculum vitae which containing his personal data and his marriage life vision which was brought by my brother in law (he is my brother's office mate). Both of us never ever met before, so as a not girl anymore but not a woman yet, I was doubting him, how come a man that I never talked before even I never met him before will became my husband. There was a time that I doubt him, and so do him, he felt waver to me, but alhamdulillaah Allaah guided us with His best guidance, I asked Allaah if he is meant to be mine, please make him close and give me the faith that he is the one I look for all this time. This process took 4 months to ensure that both of us can complete each other, are fated to be together. In this process, me and my husband never contacted or communicated  each other, why? We want to keep our heart is pure, and neutral, so there was no any propensity which could mess up our final decision. And how we communicate? We communicate by our kind of third person that were my sister also her husband, and my close friend who is actually his high school mate (life is about expect the unexpected thing huh?). 

And after both of us were sure that we could complete each other as husband and wife, we decided to meet, yes it was our first meeting. On our first meeting, my parent accompanied us to ensuring me and my husband about our answer. There was a short dialogue between me and my husband that made me smile from ear to ear which I can’t forget till forever. 

​

Husband : So, what is your activity right now?

​Me          : I do selling my own product.

​(we were silent on several second)

​Husband : Is there anything that you want to ask?

​Me          : everything is clear, how about you? any question for me?

​Husband : no,everything is just clear.

I did not expect that he asked me only one question, and I thought that was just for the sake of good manners *lol. Do you know how was my feeling at that time? My stomach was full with butterflies, and finally I felt my home was near, yes I would be coming home soon. And that night I felt a warm conversation between my parent and my husband, it was soothing. FYI, after that short dialogue I heard all the conversation behind the wall after that short yet fascinated night talk.

How I found the answer?

As I said before, both of us felt doubt and also we felt insecure about each other, but after doing some several ikhtiar(s) to get to know about him by asking some several persons who knows him quite well, I ended up by doing istikhara. Istikhara is the last thing and the most crucial step to find out the answer for every decision in our life, we would  not know about what will happen in the future, we're nothing without Him. I beg to Allaah by performing istikhara before I was going bed in the night, day by day. During istikhara period (4 months), I forced myself to get closer to Allaah by performing shalah and fasting even more frequent than I used to or recite qur'an on the dusk and dawn or in between. Istikhara led us to a final decision which made me and my husband feel no more fear about all the insecurities that we had before, and at the end istikhara indirectly reassure our self that our decision is the best answer from Allaah. Once we got a conviction about each other, all the fears and insecurities that we had in our mind (and sometimes bothered us) were immediately disappeared after we did istikharah for several times. It was such a long process to made our heart was firm about our final answer, but thanks to Allaah, He guides us to a beautiful ending which bring us to the extraordinary beginning.

I believe that Allaah would gave His answer when we were having a good relationship with Him and I do believe that an answer from istikhara is the best answer for my dunya and hereafter, and at this stage I learned how to put my trust on Allaah. here it is, the deep and beautiful meaning of istikahara du'a.

O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, and Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do no and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter, Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter, Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me a satisfied with it).

One thing that I am sure is we're all human who lacks in many ways, no one we can rely on except Allaah, The One who knows every single thing in this universe either in the past or in the future, The Best Planners for every His servant. There is an interesting sentence that I highlighted and I think this is the essential thing from this du'a, " If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter, Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter, Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it', This du'a is taught(and highly recommended) by our Prohet Muhammad SAW to ask Allaah so that we ask to Allaah to seek His answer (also His blessings)what's good not only for our dunya and also for our life after life, The Hereafter. 

 

There  are two indicators as a signal that I've already got the answer from Him, the first one is we got our parent's blessings. However our parent's blessing is Allaah's blessings too and we could not neglect this signal, once when we got the green light from our parents, we’re sure about this decision which is strengthening the second indicator.Then the second one and the most important signal is we convinced that we meant for each other, doubtless. I did not see him from his background, or what kind of person he is, I only consider how he perform his shalah also how he acts towards his family especially to his mother. And so do him, after we're officially getting married I asked him what  did you see on me? He said a simple answer ' I just need to know how you maintain your shalah and how you cover your aurah, then I convinced everything about you'. Nope, we are not perfect, either me or my husband, both of us has our own flaws here and there , but we believe when we choose each other as a husband or wife based on how deep faith that he/she has into Allaah, and we're looking for the answer by His guidance, Allaah will replied our pray based on our needs, not based on what we want, insha Allaah.  We do hope when we followed what Allaah and Rasulullah taught to us, it will bring a peace for our self.

So that's all, finally I can sum up how Allaah reunited  and guided us during this journey, how we met also how we feel safe and sound about our decision to get married.  Allaah has His own way to create such a beautiful story between me and my husband, after a long wait Allaah gave us the best result that we’ve never imagined and expected before.  For His Mercy, after that meeting, every step went very smooth until our d-day and surprisingly day after day we are figuring out many surprises that made us feel more grateful from each other. Every time I remembered about the way we met, I amazed by His Power to unite two hearts, two souls that never met before then finally meet to build a marriage life based on His Love, faith towards Him to hold each other to His paradise. No words can describe how grateful I am that Allaah has written his name for me, and it blows my mind the way how Allaah made everything is sensible. May Allaah bring joy and His blessings to our marriage life, grant us with shalih and shaliha children, and we hope this marriage can bring us together into the eternity, His Jannah.